The first act of love is a mental decision. You will, before taking any other action to grow, nurture and develop yourself, have to decide that you are not going to let yourself go wasted.
To not let yourself go wasted you will have to become certain that you are worthy.
To become certain you are worthy you will have to let this sink in your subconscious.
To let that sink in your subconscious you will have to hear the same message from at least three different sources:
i. from your immediate circle of people surrounding you, they may not tell you directly but through their actions that they care for you.
ii. from yourself: you will need to literally repeat assertive statements to yourself every morning before leaving bed and every night before throwing yourself to bed,
iii. and from words you read: by building references of stories of people who rose up against adversities several times after failures and achieved extra-ordinary results.
Without becoming certain of your Mental Decision that you are worthy, you will never be able to take a step that would take care of your physical, mental and financial growth. You will never be able to start exercise, you will never have the stamina to read good that expands your mind and will never develop the courage to start and work on a business. And even if you do, without considering yourself as worthy, you will drop your activity in the middle.
Without sense of self worth, we cannot love ourselves. Without considering ourselves of value, we are unable to take any action that preserves our value. We collect diamonds and luxury watches and paintings from legendary artists and not empty cans of soda, old card boxes and candy wrappers.
This will not also develop and grow you but almost always guarantee a permanent state of happiness and joy. This does not mean you will not face unhappy situations but you will face them with a deep inner calm and level of lingering happiness inside of you.
Better start loving yourself at your earliest. Now. Even if you are in your 80s.
is the study of anything that is intrigued and loved by wisdom !
There are nearly 6.98 billion people living on Earth as of now. To this date, how many people have been born and died can be another staggering number, perhaps several times more than that.
The question is why you were born as an another soul? Why did the invisible hand sent you to this blue planet? You can call it God, Jesus, Allah, Raam, Om or whatever who sent you here but the fact is you were sent here and you would leave this place at some point in time. The question is thus why your soul was created and you were sent here? And if now you are here, why are you here?
Just take out a few minutes of your time to seriously think on it?
1. There was a gap that only you could fulfill.
2. That gap would require some thing e.g. a talent, a skill, a creative process, a service, a contribution that only you were able to do or to make.
3. If there were other people who could exactly do the same, then there were no need to send you for doing the same job. As we all know its stupid to designate the same job to more than a person, would not the intelligence and divine wisdom spread across the universe know this fact.
Thinking and pondering on the above three points may lead you to a feeling of Eureka about the most important pheonomenon in your life: you.
Why is your purpose important? Every thing has a reason to be. It is in our built in nature to do things for a cause. This is shown from our every day experiences of handling things and spending routines to our life long aims. We hate wandering around for no reason. Leaving a room and being asked where are you going, if we do not know where and we answer the same, we shall be considered insane.
For most of us we do things for a cause in a hierarchy. We learn things to earn and enjoy a good life. We earn because we want to have more comfort for ourselves, our families and those whom we love. We want to have things and activities done in a hierarchy.
Understanding the hierarchy is important. We need oxygen to breathe. The second most important need is of water. Then comes food. Then comes the comfort or maintaining a suitable temperature for our bodies which includes the need for clothing and shelter. Then lies the need of being loved and being intimate i.e. of touching and being touched, of hugging and making love. Then is the need of contribution; to give back what we have received. At the final top is the need for spirituality.
This hierarchy has been addressed in different manners of arrangement by several authors.
Spending real time to find out the real purpose of our life is addressing the top most need first. Knowing it and then weaving your path towards it step by step. This principle is quite highlighted by Stephen R. Covey in his work The Seven Habits and he has termed it Begin with End in Mind. To decide the final outcome first and then gradually work towards it and on our way keep addressing the needs as they need to be met.
What happens to us that we are addressed in the intermediary needs of comforting our bodies and egos so much that we never make it to the top. Most of us are caught up in a frenzy of gadgets, digital toys, cell phones, laptops, cars, devices, jewelleries and wearing apparel, dining and cuisines that we in fact lose sight of the final goal: our mental and spiritual development.
Efforting to know and finding out our entire purpose of being does not let us go lost. We do not end up confused some where in the middle before reaching our goals.
Knowing our entire purpose of life makes us stand in the elite of the elites. This elite group is nobler than any other elite group formed cause of possessions or financial status, since this can never be taken away from us.
Shall you choose to be in the super elite?
One of the disciples of Buddha and a great Master of Zen, was asked what was it that calmness radiated out of him and he was always full of joy.
Replied he:” I eat rice when I am hungry and I sleep when I feel sleepy ! ”
“We all do that as well”, his student said.
“No, No.. when you eat , you think of this and that; and when you sleep you think of this and that.”
“When I sleep, I sleep and when I eat I only eat ” , the Master said.
He was known as the Maestro and is still known as the same. I have met people from seven nations and in each, people knew him, adored him, loved him and even worshipped him. He spent his whole life into what he loved. He did it so marvelously that he became his work. He became his music. Today, internationally people know Qawali through one name: Ustaad Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan.
Its high shopping time and we all are caught in the frenzy of buying gifts. Yes its wonderful to buy some one some a gift. Wonderful to receive it and more wonderful to give.
There is only one thing wrong with the gifts: they are things.
Yet when we die, all we remember is experiences, not things.
This christmas or Eid or Diwali try to give some one an experience.
Take your spouse for a special drive or place she has been longing for.
Take your children near a railway track and see their faces gleam when the locomotive passes nearby.
Go out with a friend to take photographs of yellowing autumn trees.
Give your mother a foot massage for an hour. Go to a hill with a friend and celebrate his birthday up there.
Create ideas for yourself. There are millions of them.
Give gifts of experiences, thats what we truly remember only.
When you get up in the morning do three things….
After you are wide awake just sit for a while on a cushion or a comfortable warm carpet.
Do nothing, just sit, no meditation, no breathing exercise, no visualization. Just sit.
Do that for full ten minutes.
Then take a paper or a pen and write how you want to spend your day. Don’t plan on writing. Just write. Do that for 5 minutes
Then get silent again and talk to your God. Do that for another 5 minutes too.
It takes real love for yourself to do that and it’s a test of love .
Most do not continue the routine after the third day, thats a staggering 70% to 80%.
Another 10% lose it by day 15.
Only 5 to 7% make it till full 30 days. And they are the ones who experience the benefits.
Do you love yourself enough to take out 20 minutes for you ?
The weather is changing here. I have always been a lover of nature. I have spent quite some time writing about it in my works in Urdu language. I do love to observe the skies and the weather and the trees and their leaves, but this year I had decided to take particular time for it i.e. just to observe. It all began then.
Sending proposals, making calls, having new visitors at your work place or visiting someone’s office, making follow up calls and training your sales team on this is an essential part of any entrepreneurship venture. Every consultant and entrepreneur knows that. And it is this exercise of communicating and meeting new people that we gain experience.
It happened on a warm sunny afternoon, when the person walked in for an interview at my organization was the same person, who almost 5 years back had rejected our proposal.
Rejection is an important part of any business development and sales activity. Out of ten businesses proposed, offers made, proposals sent, only ONE is accepted.That is a global sales ratio. And every mature person who has to develop his business understands this. I have never gotten depressed or felt down just because a proposal sent out by me was not accepted. It is the inherent part of business, but it is the way your proposal is handled (rejected or accepted) that makes it a memorable event.
The interview triggered a series of events in my head, which I am sharing here.
Five years from now we had sent a proposal to an organization to be viewed and decided upon by CEO. We were experiencing a financial low and were quite desperate to straighten out ourselves. We really needed that business since we exactly fulfilled the requirements stated in the TORs and we had the capacity to perform as well. The proposal some how had to pass the desk of Senior Manager HR, before it had to reach the CEO.
After emailing the proposal, two days passed by and we did not hear from them. We did not even receive an acknowledgement. We touched them to find out if they had received it. We were informed that yes, they had, but being work loaded, they could not inform us. Another four days passed and we called for a follow up. We were informed by the same manager that they were yet into the process of receiving proposals from several organizations.
Another week passed by and we called back again. We were informed that an audit had been initiated owing to which they could not allocate time to view our proposal and it will take a week for the audit to close.
Another 2 weeks passed and we followed up. This time we were told that the CEO was travelling abroad and we could come back after 2 weeks.
Another follow up and we were informed that they had a visit from their QMS auditors this time and management will be busy. This will take another week.
After a week, we touched them again to find out that they will now advertise in the newspaper, since they had received not enough response from the market previously.
This continued on for about 4 months and we finally decided to not give further efforts to the organization.
A few months later I met the CEO of the same organization by chance at a professional event. We exchanged cards and after some minutes, it dawned on me that the CEO never knew about our proposal, though they wanted productivity and performance improvement analysis and work to be done at their factory, yet, he never found out that we had been following up so extensively for that.
By that time the senior manager had already left the organization or else the CEO would have asked him the reasons for not allowing our message to get through the desk. Later from several other sources, we came to know that the Senior Manager’s drawer was filled up with pending things, which were never acted upon.
And the same senior manager was standing at the door ready for the interview. Of course, being honest I did not select him, not for the reasons of any personal grievance, since I had quite forgotten him during the years passed and my resentment and anger had calmed down. I did not hire him for the reason that what if he acted like the same CLOG at our organization, that he acted some years back at his previous organization.
A few similar events occurred another 2-3 times again, which made me write this post.
Do we recognize this CLOG pattern?What is the psychology behind this? A clog is a sticky or thick matter, that chokes up a drain, a path, a process.
Those who have worked with public sector organizations in Pakistan have experienced CLOG patterns repeatedly from executives holding offices.
Most of us have experienced this or suffered from this at some point of life or the other.
Facing a problem owing to which one cannot perform a task diligently is one thing and a habitual pattern of delaying things and procrastinating actions is another.
I will write in detail about the reasons and psychology behind the CLOG pattern as well as the “fruits” reaped from it in my next post, but here I will ask only ONE question.
Before I ask that question, let me share an insight. We all have acted clogs at one time or the other. We are a nation deprived of training and nation building process. We are a society that has not had enough lessons learnt from its own mistakes. We are not raised as individuals to develop enough awareness about how our actions can impact on the lives of others? We are a nation that is not used to admit its mistakes. We are people who like to remain adamant on their faults and wrong behaviors.
Before I ask that question, let me share another fact: till we learn to speak the truth about ourselves, with our own selves, we cannot rectify our errors, we cannot improve, we cannot grow. We die.
And another fact: real development takes place when we speak the truth to ourselves and that one of the most difficult task we can undertake is to score our own selves.
Now I challenge to ask yourself a question and rate yourself as honestly as you can from a scale of 0 to 5 (0 being lowest and 5 being the top or best score) on the five important questions.
- Have you ever acted like a clog in a process?
- Have you ever acted out of sheer laziness or never acted at all?
- Have you ever delayed a necessary action without realizing how much important it could be for someone else’s life?
- When deciding upon things like proposals, documents to forward, emails to reply, queries to answer, do you regularly and habitually think that how much important this could be for the lives of people associated with that document?
- Do you practice empathy at daily decision making at work? (empathy is to think and feel how you would have acted or behaved, if something had happened to you. It is to place yourself and someone else’s and then try to know how the other person would have felt like).
Hint: ( even some answers are asked in negative connotation, rate high score for positive answers and low for negative)
A total score of 0 to 5 shows you have acted like a CLOG.
A total score of 10 and below shows your require serious self improvement in this area, though still in the clog category.
A total score of 15 shows you are doing OK.
A total score of 20 and above shows you have acted a catalyst in the process of growth and support towards others. Blessings flow towards you in return and they will keep on flowing. Even if life appears to be still, your tasks will never stop.
When all else fails, step back from all that you want to do. Take a deep breath. Take a few steps back again. Till you are able to feel that you are no more a part of it. It is similar to taking a few steps back from a crowded place till you can only see it as a larger picture.