Delaying Gratification (1)

Being able to truly love ourselves involves delaying gratification.

This can be best explained by the experiment conducted with children aged 4 to 6 at Stanford University in 1972. They were offered marshmallows on a condition. Those children who would eat it right now, would get only one. Those who would chose to eat 30 minutes later would get two. Those who would choose to eat after an hour would get three.

Majority of the children chose to eat now. A little less opted for half an hour wait and further less number of children opted to wait for a full hour.

Years later studying the careers of the children, was discovered that those who were able to delay or defer the gratification had achieved a significantly higher level of success in their career.

Delaying gratification would thus mean postponing instant relief and joy for a much higher cause.

Delaying Gratification (2)

Delaying gratification means to delay the pleasure for a higher reward or a higher destiny we believe in.  For that we have to have a higher cause; a direction or a destiny which we want to achieve.

It is a fact that people with aimless lives are not able to exercise delaying gratifications and they can fall for any thing that brings instant joy to their five senses. We face countless situations in our daily life, where we have to delay our gratification. There always exists a deferred achievement and an instant gratification for every emotion we feel.

The gratification for anger for example is to take it out, immediately, instantly, with all the frustration on the person whom you think is responsible. Yet there is a higher achievement reward if we chose to delay our bursting out. It is a high mutual trust, respect and strengthened bond between us and the person involved. The gratification for a news paper reading is that no one disturbs us but if our 4 year old kid comes to us with a drawing book, we have to delay our gratification and attend to the child. For a higher reward of bond, love and value

Be willing for a thousand cuts

A hand searches some thing in the mudded floor of a mine. A stone rolls itself towards the palm. The hand picks it up and takes off mud from it. Raises it to see in the sun light. A diamond is born.

It is uncut. Potentially a gem, but presently a stone.

It lets itself be cut and cut again. It lets itself be exposed to the several hundred cuts and hits by the gem cutter.

Its shine depends on its willingness to expose itself for the cuts.

Believe yourself to be a potential gem, but currently a stone. Be willing to offer yourself to be exposes to the tests and cuts of time. Do not be afraid or hesitant for that.  Not for a single moment.

In works  of theology I have seen saints and prophets thanking God in fact , whenever they were put to a test. They knew it was another cut by a super hand to transform them into a gem.

This understanding and willingness is an act of love!

Win a point or win a heart

We were having a hard debate. The debate had turned into an argument. The argument had turned into labelling each other from “you did wrong” to” you are always wrong.”

Suddenly I remembered some thing. I thought: “This point can make her shut. It can make her answerless.” So I just shut off myself. And went to the next room. She followed me there in her frenzy.

She found me sitting on bed and she just stood there demanding an answer. I stood up. Kissed her forehead and walked out of the house.

That evening some guests were invited and I came back home with groceries and stuff and she was busy in cooking. So we had to work together. The issue dissolved.

Some weeks later, on a drive in a pleasant mood. She put her hand on my hand on the shift and asked: ” What did you do that evening? But I kinda liked that.” I told her that I had a valid point that could shut her off completely.

“What ? Why then you did not say that. You could have won the argument,” she uttered.

Yes I could have won the argument but would have lost my wife for that evening.

I got the most memorable kiss from my wife on the drive!

Worth falling for !

Genuine love stars to work,when your feeling of falling in love has gone. Genuine love is not spontaneous. It is not a feeling. Genuine love is effort. It is effort we decide to make, when we still don’t feel that same twinkling feeling about our mate. We do not get excited on that touch on our hands every time. We do not feel the dry throat, when she is around. It is to continue the same action of taking care and attending to the person,  when the feelings were used to be there. Love is not feeling. To love is to act. Genuine love thus starts, when feelings of love have subsided. If that act of love continues, it is definitely worth falling for!

Discovering your true passion

In my previous post, the science and secret of becoming wealthy, I had mentioned that the first and foremost determinant was knowing one’s true passion. Since then I had felt that it needed much more to be said. Further I received quite a number of emails asking me how we can find out our true passion. This is how we can: 

The science and secret of becoming wealthy

Wealth is much more than getting rich. You can have a lot of money but still be un-wealthy, unhappy or living with a very low self esteem. Much has been said, written, documented and delivered that involves getting rich but much less about becoming wealthy. Wealth comes with peace of mind, self satisfaction, a normal health, a responsible life style. Wealth is at a higher value encompassing merely getting rich.

The best gift we ever receive

We need to talk.  We need to be heard. And we are frustrated,  angry, unhappy, full of resentment. And we go to an old friend, whom we meet not very often but for some unknown reason consider him an old friend.

And he sits us in. Closes the door. Asks his wife to attend his  calls for him.  Turns off his cell phone. Makes us some tea. Holds our hand n says: now, what is it ?

The best gift we ever receive from some one is pure time.